SMART AF

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Ep. 116 Bad Advice, Boat Buying & A Beach House In Belize

by | Smart AF Podcast

bad advice

Bad Advice, Boat Buying & A Beach House In Belize

Everyone is quick to give their opinion or dish advice, especially to entrepreneurs and parents, but how good is the advice your getting?

In this episode, Torie Mathis and her cohost Sean talk about how to find the best advice for every situation and what to do about the naysayers, the dream crushers, and the worry willies. And how to give the best advice, uh um, guidance to those that ask you “what should I do?”

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SAF 116

[00:00:00] Sean: Don’t just ask your mom, don’t ask your best friend who is always a negative Worry Willie, you know, or whatever the saying is if all they have to say is something negative, like expect that what they’re going to say about whatever it is you’re asking is going to be negative. 

[00:00:18] Torie: My sister a Worry Willy.

Hey, what’s up. It’s Torie Mathis, your host, and I’m here with the one and only Sean Mathis, founder of Miles Through Time Automotive Museum.

[00:00:38] Sean: Hey What’s up?

[00:00:39] Torie: It’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that people are always willing to give their opinions and their opinions can often come through as advice. But is it really advice?

[00:00:51] Sean: Probably not. Some of that might just come from your family and friends. Telling you. Okay. Not to do things and, and maybe you shouldn’t do that. And you know, you got this new business venture that you want to try and you, you know, you’re telling your mom about it and she’s like, are you sure you want to do something like that?

You go, you want to risk it? Why aren’t you happy with what you have? You know, all those things. And you know, a lot of times that’s enough to prevent somebody from actually doing something, you know, where if you just didn’t actually listen and did it anyways. You might actually come on top. Now we had the story.

We wanted a boat and never owned a boat before. Didn’t know what type of boat we wanted. We just know we wanted a boat. We lived in an area that it was lake life. 

[00:01:44] Torie: To back up on that, up on that, we lived on the west coast. We, we did some lots of outdoor stuff, but we were never like really right by a lake. Like we never even had the opportunity we had kayaks. And so we did that kind of thing. And we moved across the country and we actually moved to a lake like right there, like the town was all around this lake. And so everybody that we knew that like actually went out onto the lake, like they had boats, this lake had no public beaches. I think there was one.

[00:02:12] Sean: Yeah, one beach 30 minutes away. 

[00:02:15] Torie: And it was very, very small. Like it’s not a Blake that you can just like go and enjoy without having a boat. And then we did kayak on it a couple of times. We’re like really outdoorsy type people. We wanted to actually have that lake life and enjoy the lake. And so we decided.

This would be a great opportunity that we want to go all in on the lake thing. We didn’t live directly on the lake. We lived just to, you know, several streets away from the lake. So we wanted to be able to get on to the lake. And so we just. We’re going to buy a boat. We had a, like a camping trailer that we use when we were on the west coast, which was fantastic there, but moving to the south and the crazy amount of bugs that come with it we decided camping was not for us, so it’s not like we were like, Going in the hole to get this. I mean, we were like responsible about getting the boat. We were going to trade in our trailer in order to get a boat. 

[00:03:10] Sean: Well, we did a ton of research too. It’s not like, ah, let’s just go buy a boat on a whim. We went and test drove boats and compared one style boat and the other style of boat and compared what it was that we wanted to do on the boat versus what the different types of boats were available, you know?

Fit what we’re actually wanting to do, you know, did we want a pontoon boat or a wakeboarding boat, or, you know, a fishing boat? You know, there’s so many different variances there that we, I mean, we totally did our homework. And then it came down to just was just like casual conversation over at my brother’s house.

Going, Hey, you know, we’re all right here. Everybody talks about how great the lake is. You know, we’re going to get a boat. And instead of the awesome, you know, we’ll all go out, which is the response that I think we were both expecting. Yes. We didn’t get that. It was, it was essentially, you’re an idiot for even thinking about buying a boat and then there’s the whole, you know, the happiest time is when you buy the boat and when you sell the boat and it was just, there was nothing positive to say about it, even though everybody in the conversation realizes that actually being on the boat and on the lake is something we can all agree is fun. Like we all know it’s fun, we’ve all done it. And, and yet it was just, it was nothing positive to say about us going and purchasing the boat.

[00:04:33] Torie: Learned about that is that there’s just some people in your life that don’t say anything to them. You know, if you have those people that are gonna poopoo, whatever it is you say, then you need to have different people around you because there are people that will support what you, what you want and what your dreams are and what you want to do.

And so rather than you just put pooling it, I mean, somebody could have said, you know, did you research this or did you know about this deal? And it wasn’t even that it was just very No matter, you know what we could have said about it. We were stupid for wanting a boat and I’ll tell you, we had our boat for many years.

We had a great time on that boat. It was one of the greatest investments that we had. The kids had a great time. And when we did finally decide to sell it because we had moved and things we actually got on boat buyers and somebody like from the, the TV show came and found us. And like, we went out with a bang with the boat and it was awesome.

But that fear of like what people are gonna say, or if you do say something that they’re going to, you know shut you down for it, you can’t let that stop what it is that you want to do. 

[00:05:37] Sean: See and after that conversation a week we could have easily just, I mean, it was set up as a F as fear, really. I mean, they, they tried to scare us and too, that’s not something that we should do.

[00:05:54] Torie: I’m just remembering what actually happened. I think that’s the first time that I was like, no, don’t treat Sean like that. Sean did his research. Don’t treat him like a child, mother fuckers. 

[00:06:10] Sean: And I don’t have that personality to cave in, on stuff like that. It like that kind of thing just made me want a boat that much more. And the thing is, it’s not like it was. At that moment, we thought let’s buy a boat on a whim. And then we’re like, Hey, we’re just, we just thought of this, you know, we’re going to go do it. And then it was all, no you shouldn’t and all that. Cause like before anybody even knew that this is something we were going to do, we were so far into the mental process making sure that this is something that we wanted to do. And we are financially capable at like all that stuff had already been done. And then it wasn’t like, Hey, what do you think? It’s like, this is what we’re going to do, you know? And it, it just, it didn’t pan out that way. 

[00:06:54] Torie: But what we learned from that is that there are some people that will never be happy for anything that you want to do.

[00:06:59] Sean: And the thing is, unfortunately they didn’t even, they’ve never. You know, so all this stuff that they’re saying is coming out of their ass, like they’re, they’re making it up completely. These are, these were their thoughts. This is their justifications for why they didn’t buy a boat and why they didn’t do the whole lake life.

Not us. No, nothing to do with them. It’s not like they had bought a boat and it was the worst experience that they have ever made. And, you know, they never used it and, and telling us their real world situation, like that’s, that’s not where it came from. It was just they were too scared to actually go and purchase a boat for their themselves.

And they were essentially pushing that onto us. And rather than give into that, you know, went ahead. We got the boat that we wanted. 

[00:07:49] Torie: But you see a lot of people ask for financial advice or business advice from people. And then when they come back and say what they’ve learned, it’s kind of like, it’s not really the right person to ask that from. Be careful who you ask advice from, or even who you let, give you opinions on things and have them even mean anything to you because everybody wants to give their opinions. It doesn’t mean that their opinions are valid. And a lot of times their opinions are only based on whatever it is that they have going on.

And it probably has nothing to do with you. I’ve talked about before that when I was getting out of the army, Breaking my hip. And I had kind of a hard recovery from that. And after September 11th happened, we had like all these crazy guard duties that we had to do 24 hour shifts with like full gear, which is like 60 pounds of shit to wear.

And my body at that time was just not able to handle that. And because we had like, What is that like, battle ready? Like you have to have so much of your purse, a percentage of your people be battle ready. I was not that already. And so they actually med, boarded me out. It was rough. Like it was I was living in Europe, it was a complete change.

And so I talked to my mom a lot during that time and I would like ask my mom, like, what do you think I should do? Cause I had all these decisions to make where I was going to go. And there was all this medical stuff in school and just, it was a crazy time. And my mom refused to give me advice. She would not give me anything.

And at the time I thought she was being a jerk because I’m like, you’re, my mom like helped me out here, but she kept telling me like, I don’t know what you’re going through. I’ve never been in that situation. I don’t know how you’re feeling. I don’t, I don’t know any of this, so I could never give you any advice. That would be helpful. So I’m not going to give you. I do. You know, what I, what I thought at the time was, you know, being jerky really, I think more people need to be more straightforward and say like, I’m probably not the right person, or just say your own experiences that may be related to it. But giving anybody any type of advice really is completely invalid.

Because you don’t know everything, you don’t know all the situations. So listening to somebody, having advice given to you, you have to realize that that person doesn’t have all the information that they need and they never could have all the information. So things like that, they need to be really taken, taken with a grain of salt.

[00:10:18] Sean: Well, and there’s, there’s good advice and there’s bad advice, you know? And so if somebody’s giving you their advice and it’s nothing but negative shit coming out of their mouth, Don’t listen to it well. 

[00:10:30] Torie: And realize that the knee, like the boat thing, that was their experiences and what they felt and their fears and their, all of their experiences adding up to that, it had nothing to do. Where we were at and they didn’t know what kind of prep we had. They didn’t know what kind of research we did or where we were coming from or where I find it. Like they had no idea. 

[00:10:51] Sean: That’d be like your mom, if your mom would have been in the army and she got hurt and she was in Europe and they med boarded her and you’re asking, well, mom, what should I do? She’s like, well, this is what I did when it happened to me. You can then take that advice and go, okay. I can agree with that, or I should look out for these things or do these things, but because she really did go through that. But without that, your, your mom could have said anything and it would have been, I mean, it could have been completely wrong for you.

[00:11:21] Torie: Right? I think some people ask for advice though, and want to take other people’s advice because it gives them a safe fall that if something goes wrong, they can be like, well, that’s what my mom said to them. Then they can point their finger at mom, which is not cool. 

[00:11:41] Sean: No, and I think guidance is probably a better word advice. Like you can get guidance from people that have experience in whatever it is that you’re, you’re wanting to know about. You know, don’t go to your mom and ask her for business advice, but she’s going to never own a business. Like, what are you, what are you trying to get out of that? Because chances are your, mom’s got, you know, money worries and she doesn’t want you to lose, you know, everything that you have say you wanted to say, you’ve got a steady job and you’re wanting to start your own business and you go ask your mom, you know what she thinks she’s not going to jump on board and be like, yeah, you should totally quit your job.

It’s too unstable, like it’s too unnatural for a mother to give you that kind of advice. Right. Go for it. But she, I mean, Torie would have, like, she’s done that. It could be like, well, when I did it, you know, these things are the things that I did and look out for this and then you can take it for what it is and it still is. It’s not a set in stone roadmap of what you need to do. It’s, it’s a little bit you know, look out for these things and find your own path still. 

[00:12:55] Torie: Sean Mathis, you know, who I wish would have gave us advice. Well, you know, back in 2006, we thought the most important thing that we could do was to buy a house. And so as the market was coming to this mountain, his head, and so many people were trying to get houses and they were outbidding each other. And every house we looked at was gone before we could even make an offer on it. It was not a buyer’s market. In fact, it was a dumb ass time to buy a house. Sometimes you gotta live and learn. 

[00:13:37] Sean: So we need to know I’ve gone back in time in our DeLorean and give ourselves advice. Don’t do that shit. You didn’t get the house on the four different houses. And I, however, we made so many offers on houses and then it just came down to, well that one’s available. It’s not like we didn’t even love it. It was just a place to purchase love. Yeah. I mean, it could have been a much worse house than what we got, but yeah. There, there was no advice from anybody on that. 

[00:14:08] Torie: Now, you know, though, you talk about with some, with some of your family, like they’ll say stuff to, you know, Sean, you’re stupid. You shouldn’t be that. Like, we don’t listen, but my family won’t say anything to me about anything. When I joined the army, I left, nobody said, don’t join. Nobody said, are you sure that’s what you want to do?

[00:14:31] Sean: Yeah, my mom didn’t want me to join the air force and she had to sign me away to do it. My dad was like, oh, hell yeah, because he wanted to join the military, you know, a few decades earlier, but he didn’t join early. So he was joining later on in life and an opportunity time when he had already met my mom. Kids are coming and all that. And she’s like, no, you’re not joining the military. Now you get kids coming. And so he never did. And so when it came time to that, I wanted to do it. He was all for it. His advice was, I wish I would have done it. 

[00:15:08] Torie: See, that’s cool. I went and I found all kinds of people that were in the military and asked them, like I did my research. I talked to all kinds of people in different branches and I think. My family probably knows they can’t really talk me out of anything once I’m set on that, I’m going to do something. So there’s probably no use. But they were able to talk other people out of joining the military because other people in my family thought of going and people were very like, don’t do it. 

Don’t do it. And they, nobody else left. 

[00:15:37] Sean: Yeah. And at what point you had three brothers that were all potentially going into the army at some point. None of them did. None of them did. Yeah. It’s kinda crazy. 

[00:15:45] Torie: But I did, I asked people, like, I wouldn’t have asked my mom advice on that because she had never been in the military. I wouldn’t have asked my dad either. Like really, they don’t have any life experience that would’ve given that. So I went to people that were actually in the military and that were young. I didn’t ask like retire. Like my grandpa was in the military, but I’m not going to ask him. But war, was he in your grandpa?

Yeah, that might have been like Korean or something. I don’t think he’s said. You’ve been old enough for that early forties? No, I don’t think so. I don’t think he would have been old enough for that. Yeah. Vietnam maybe. Hmm. We’ll have to look at the ages and see, cause I want to say that it wasn’t world war two.

I want to say it was something after that would have been 98 this year. Really great. I think they would have been similar age. I’m going to have to look that up and see which war, but either way, like he would not have been a good person for me to ask. Should I join the military? Because it was a whole different world when he was in there.

Just like really kids today. Like if you asked me about joining the military, It’s, it’s not the same, like any information that I could give you. That was a different army. It’s not the same now. I probably wouldn’t have be the right person to ask. You’d probably want to talk to somebody that’s been in more recent. She has a long ass time ago. 

[00:17:14] Sean: Yeah, you wouldn’t be great to give advice for like how basic training is or anything like that. But as far as life experience of, you know, what it was like to have. 

[00:17:22] Torie: That might be better than somebody else that has enjoined. But, but yeah, things, I mean, things change. And so obviously asking advice with somebody that has that experience and probably asking people that are in that more recent, just because somebody has had a business at one time, doesn’t mean they have a business right now.

Digital marketing and things like that. Things are much different. Technology happens much faster. So I think you really have to be careful on who you ask advice from and then what kind of advice you’re trying to get from them. 

[00:17:49] Sean: And if you’re asking for advice. For sure. Don’t just ask your mom, don’t ask your best friend who is always a negative Worry Willie, you know, or whatever the saying is if all they have to say is something negative, like expect that what they’re going to say about whatever it is you’re asking is going to be negative.

[00:18:11] Torie: My sister, that Worry, Willie, I don’t know where the hell that came on that. Too funny. So Riley asked me advice all the time. Last year he had some kids that were being shitheads and he had asked me all kinds of things about that. And I’m like, man, you know how long it’s been since I dealt with shitheads. So I just told them stories about people that I dealt with and kind of what I did at the time. And then put ’em in karate. So at least he could defend himself if he needed to. But I told him like, you, you, you gotta kind of figure this kind of stuff out for yourself. I definitely took a page from my mom and that one, because he’s got to figure it out. Not me, mommy. Can’t figure everything out for you.

[00:18:56] Sean: And that’s the thing is every scenario is different. Like there, there is no possible way something can be the exact same for you as it was for somebody else. So why would you take. What they say verbatim and, and put anything into it. If it’s not something positive, you know, if they have what they say is all positive and encouraging, then, you know, great. But if it’s negative, don’t let it prevent you from actually. Doing, whatever it is, you’re setting your goals doing, especially if it, like, when it comes to goals, you know, even if it’s not the actual, you know, starting a business or something like that like initially, like you’re, ready to do it, but it’s just, you’re, you’re, you’re expressing your goals, things that you want to do and you, you talking to somebody and they’re just like, those are unrealistic goals.

You can’t do. I don’t put any weight into that kind of stuff, because it’s not going to help you. We constantly create goals that are, you know, can be done realistically quickly. And some goals that you know, are way out into the future because we’re also, we’re not only thinking. Close, you know, future, but also way out into the future.

And when we talk about plans of what it’s like when our kids are out of school and where we want to live and all these things, we still have at least eight years before we’re even there. But we’re thinking about those kinds of things, because stuff changes so often. Yeah, who knows what kind of just falls into our lap and we can pivot and adjust goals.

And but like say we wanted to, you know, in 10 years we want to go buy a beach house and beliefs right now. That’s our goal in 10 years, you, you know, there could be all kinds of negative things that could be said about that, especially in today’s world. You know, that’s not something you want to go do. But who cares? 

[00:20:56] Torie: You know, who I wouldn’t ask about that. I wouldn’t ask my mom because my mom has never been to Billy’s mom’s never lived out of the country. Right. So, you know, in that kind of thing, you’d want to find people that have done those kinds of things, because those people are out there that have information that would actually be good for you in that kind of situation.

[00:21:15] Sean: Yeah. I think somebody that isn’t as ambitious as you are, and hasn’t accomplished as many things that you have or want to do. Chances are they’re. They’re not going to really be able to tell you what you want to hear. Because they didn’t do it themselves. And a lot of times the way people rationalize not doing it themselves is by putting it down for anybody else to do it.

[00:21:41] Torie: You know, there’s a lot of times, even like for your business, you ask me about things. Cause you know, I’ve been in business since 2007 and Sean is a more new business owner, but some of the things that you have because you have more of a brick and mortar business, like, I don’t know. I don’t run a brick and mortar business.

And so I can only give advice for what I do know, or maybe what clients that we’ve had and the experiences that they’ve had, but I’m not really qualified sometimes to give you advice that I wish I could if it’s to do with like digital type things, like all day long, I would tell you, but somebody needs you to have another advice for me.

I don’t know if I would want a brick and mortar business. I like what, what it’s bell always say, moms are free spirits. It doesn’t, you know, but my stuff works virtually in yours. Doesn’t that’s true. I’m a free spirit. We are going through TJ Maxx. You’ve got these arrows on the ground saying which way, and she’s like, mom, you’re not going the right way. You’re not. I can’t, I can’t follow that kind of stuff. I need to go where I need to go.

[00:22:52] Sean: Rebel. 

[00:22:53] Torie: It’s not even rebel a little bit, but it’s more free spirit. Like maybe it’s a little don’t tell me what to do. 

[00:23:00] Sean: You’re probably the same person that can’t find the exit. 

[00:23:04] Torie: I think I could find the exit in the museum. I might cuss a couple of times on the way there’s an arrow. That’s where the exit is to get out of here.

The problem I had with the exit was it I got to it and it was like two lanes over and I’m like, I’m going to go all the way back to go all the way. I would have been jumping over shit. Why? Because I’m a free spirit. I just want to leave when I want to be any of the displays. I designed those displays need to read them.

You know, who doesn’t ask me advice. 

[00:23:39] Sean: Your mom. 

[00:23:39] Torie: Bella doesn’t care. You know why that was free spirit. It’s true. Pella does what Bella wants. I don’t know if she’d ever ask it. This is the girl that like, even like when Bradley was little and we were potty training him, like we convinced him to be pirate like, oh, we’ll do naked day and we’ll bring out the potty. And we made it like this big, special thing, like woo. And we did it on our time. She’s not like that Bella does things on Bella’s time when Bella wants and Bella doesn’t ask me advice. At all, she’s even more of a free spirit than I am.

[00:24:19] Sean: Thinks she sneaks it though. She’ll take like your, your design or whatever that kind of yeah. How you do things since you like look over your shoulder. Okay. That’s all she does. And then she’d go do it on her own. She does. 

[00:24:33] Torie: She’ll see how I’m sitting. Like I’ll be sitting like this and she’ll go and she’ll sit exactly like I do. So no with her, I don’t, it’s not about advice. It’s about modeling, you know what I mean? So, She wouldn’t come to me for advice, but she would model herself after what I am doing. So I need to make sure that I’m like a super good influence. 

[00:24:58] Sean: She’s a mini you. 

[00:25:00] Torie: Very much so. So though she won’t ask for the advice directly. I do have to be careful on what I know. I don’t want to say, I want to be careful. I always try to be a little bit on my best behavior for them to be a good role model and not be Yeah, pretty much. Like I had to put my evil into the closet. I’m not evil anyway, but no, I wouldn’t even want to do like, yeah. I got to be careful that what I portray is what she’s probably gonna be like, which is crazy. Like Riley’s not that way. 

[00:25:33] Sean: Like Rilley is own person. That was a you. 

Which is 

[00:25:37] Torie: funny. Cause I just said that like, Bella is a super like free spirit. Yeah. But then she’s models herself. Yeah. So different. So be crazy to see, like what kind of stuff, like when they get older, do they ask us advice? Do they not? Do they, I just hope that when we are in that position, I think like that’s like the whole thing here is that I just want to do better than what others have done. Not because I think I’m better. Not because I think that they were bad. I think everybody does the best that they can. I don’t think anybody’s really trying to be.

I mean, there’s some, there’s a few people out there that are pretty shitty, but I think for the most people, most part people are trying to do the best that they can. And everybody’s first like a monkey instinct is self-preservation. So obviously you’ve got to protect yourself and then people are doing kind of the best that they can. So even though people may have jumped down our throats and told us that they were, we were stupid for things, I think that was their own fear and their own like self preservation type things. But maybe I’m reading too much into this. I don’t know. So not saying that anybody else was bad, but I want to do better if the kids were going to be buying a house, like that’s really serious.

Like that’s a, especially with, like, we didn’t know about like that markets went up and down and that like, you know, these like 10 to 15 year how the market like goes and like, we didn’t know any of that kind of stuff. 

[00:27:04] Sean: Interest only rate loan actually works. 

[00:27:07] Torie: Like when somebody tells you don’t worry, just refinance it in a couple of years. Like none of that stuff. 

[00:27:12] Sean: The guy that sells you a timeshare and says, go out and eat the most expensive meal you can. And then just bring me back the receipt it’s on me. Like these are lives, you know, some of these things like nobody could give you advice for like that one. Nobody could have told us that that was going to happen. We were going to get ripped off, put it all on a credit card at 0%. And once once that special goes away, just call back and read it. 

[00:27:35] Torie: Some of these things are life experience. 

[00:27:37] Sean: And we learned the hard way on all kinds of shit and diversifying our portfolio of things we’ve learned the hard way to just make more things that we can tell our kids about.

[00:27:47] Torie: Yeah. But I think trying to, at least without being preachy, because nobody likes somebody being preachy and telling you don’t buy a boat, it’s stupid. But at least if you have some actual information. 

[00:27:57] Sean: Like I’m a research base, like you can do whatever you want to do. If you’ve done enough research. You’ve got to be an idiot to still go through something you shouldn’t, if you’ve done enough research. So if are either one of our kids decide they want to do something that I even initially is like, that’s probably a bad idea. If they’ve done enough research and still think it’s a good idea who might’ve told them not to do it. Yeah. Go for it, man. Get you’ve done more research than I have. See if it works.

See if you like it. If it’s something you want to do. And that’s, that’s the kind of advice I want to be able to give, like, encouraging whether I got advice. 

[00:28:39] Torie: Maybe introducing them to people that we know that could be of good advice too. Hey I know Joe and Joe just bought it. Two months ago, let’s go talk to him. Like let’s have them over for coffee and see what his experience, you know what I mean? Like there’s different ways that you can give advice that the advice is coming from a better place than just your own fear. And I think that experience is the best place that advice is ever going to come from. But again, not as like, this is what I think you should do, but here’s more information so that you can make a more informed decision. 

[00:29:12] Sean: Hmm. I learned the hard way on buying cars. I’m pretty good at it now. And when it comes time to the, either one of our kids, you know, ready to buy their own cars, I’ll be there to make it easy for them with their own money.

[00:29:28] Torie: So our advice to you on it. Is to probably subscribe to our show and to our newsletter, you can go to Toriemathis.com and subscribe right there. You get all kinds of great advice on how to run your business, market your business, smarter, learn how to use social media. That’s what we’re here for. 

[00:29:50] Sean: That’s fantastic advice.

[00:29:53] Torie: It is, you know, we have new shows every Tuesday and Thursday, and you can come check us out right here. So we’ll see you on the next one. Thanks.

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Best Small Business Marketing PodcastWhere underdog entrepreneurs go to get SMART AF about growing their business without wasting time, money, or sanity hosted by Torie Mathis.