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Ep. 115 Networking on Social Media – Stop Being So Damn Weird

by | Smart AF Show

Networking on Social Media

Networking on Social Media – Stop Being So Damn Weird!

Social Media is an amazing way to connect with people across the globe, more people than you could have ever before. BUT too many of you are being too damn weird and doing it all wrong.

In this episode, Torie Mathis and her cohost Sean are going to break down the biggest mistakes being made with networking online and explain why a DM is NOT a cold call. You’ll get new tactics you can use today to up your DM game and actually convert instead of creep out.

Listen or watch the full episode below:


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SAF 115

[00:00:00] Torie: Take it a little bit slower because a lot of you are being really weird and taking it way too fast and it’s creepy. You’re you’re like a creeper.

Hey, what’s up. It’s Torie Mathis your host and I’m here with the one and only Sean Mathis, Founder of Miles Through time Automotive Museum 

[00:00:27] Sean: What’s going on? 

[00:00:28] Torie: You know, with a lot of events, still like in-person events, still not happening. I see a lot more people going and trying to network online and where that is a fantastic idea. And social media is after all like supposed to be social. A lot of people get it very, very wrong. 

[00:00:50] Sean: Yeah. There’s a few different times that people have. It’s just, they make it so damn weird. Why y’all gotta be so weird. LinkedIn is notorious for self promotion that you know, they, what is it even called on LinkedIn?

Is it called friend or connection? 

[00:01:10] Torie: Connection? I think. 

[00:01:13] Sean: So connecting with them is fine. Right. But the moment, it, it turns weird is immediately after the connection. It’s a, here’s the, it’s like they’re puking all this crap out of how great they are. And, you know, immediately it’s like, ah, let’s set up a phone call or, you know, let’s do a video chat or what I’m like, I don’t even know who the hell you are, man.

You know, you need to put a little bit more effort into it. I don’t know, serenading me a little bit, or, you know, doing a little bit of research on what it is that I actually do. 

[00:01:48] Torie: I can tell you that there is absolutely little to no real thought being put into this by most people, I don’t know who is telling people to do this, but it is they’re getting VA’s, they’re getting virtual assistants to do this for them because I was actually contacted by a really good friend of mine. On social that DMD me and said like their whole spiel. I’m like, yeah, don’t think I’m really your target market because I’m completely not. And he’s like, oh, ha ha.

I have somebody that for me, they’re doing it really bad. I think too like they’re wasting your time and your money. But people don’t like it, people don’t want to work with you and yes, you might be able to catch a couple of people. But I think for the amount of people that you’re going to piss off, that you’re going to, they’re going to think you’re creepy because you are being creepy. I don’t think it’s worth it. Yeah. 

[00:02:46] Sean: It’s, it’s spammy, you know, and on Facebook, I connect with a whole lot of people because we have common interests, you know, I maybe, I don’t know him, but I look and I’m like, all right, Totally in the car. So am I, that’s why we’re connecting and it’s fine. And it usually just kind of goes from there and, you know, I might start seeing their content a little bit and it’s car related and I’m like, all right, cool.

And I’ve got a bunch of people on my Facebook. I’ve never met in my life, but I’ve had a ton of conversations with them. And a little bit of me thinks that I like, I like we’re virtual friends. I know a little bit about them, but it’s that common interesting. And that’s, I think that’s how it’s supposed to work.

But so often it’s it doesn’t do that. It’s some random person, again, that friend requests you or they friend request me and it’s immediately followed up with like a Facebook message. Yeah. Hi, how are you? 

[00:03:44] Torie: Oh, see, I don’t even get hi. How are you? I, oh, it’s nice to connect. Tell me more about your business. I know you don’t fucking care. Like, don’t ask me. Well, that’s LinkedIn. I get that on Facebook. They ask you about your business on Facebook, on Facebook. I don’t know if because they see me and other business groups or whatever it is, but it’s instantly going to business. It’s the exact same LinkedIn thing that they’ve just brought over to Facebook. I’m like, I don’t want to be friends with you. And friend, like I don’t even respond anymore. 

[00:04:12] Sean: And again, that’s some people using a personal page as their business page because you can’t do that kind of stuff on business. And that’s part of the reason why is that you shouldn’t be doing that kind of stuff as a business. If it’s a personal level, like you’re, you can totally go out there. And try to connect with people you don’t know. But there’s gotta, you know, like you gotta, you gotta learn who they are a little bit, let them see your stuff, you know, comment on their stuff. 

[00:04:40] Torie: The commenting on their stuff is one of the greatest things that people can do. If you actually do a tiny bit of research and go onto their page. And find those things that you have in common and start to that’s where the conversation starts. It’s not some dirty direct message because that’s icky. 

[00:04:57] Sean: I got a thumbs up or something isn’t going to do it. Yeah. I mean, yeah, you gotta do a little bit of engagement and maybe start up a conversation on something so that, you know, you’re asking them a question based on something you see on their posts and then give them an opportunity to answer.

And then you can go back and forth a little bit. Now there’s like, okay, they know who you are. If even if your end result is still to try to push whatever sale, like do it way down the road where they, they know who you are, maybe they’ve already, maybe they’ve been intrigued enough to check your stuff out. Like, it’s it. You have to realize that this stuff takes time and you got to give it that time because these people they’re there. They’re rushing it. And you know, like on LinkedIn where they’re paying some VA to do this stuff, That’s great, but I mean. 

[00:05:47] Torie: It’s very obvious. Like if you haven’t seen it on LinkedIn, it’s very obvious that this is what happens on LinkedIn, but there are now doing the exact same thing. And the friend that I’m talking about that was on. Facebook. And they were just going through their friends, their actual connections. So they’re just friending everybody. And then just sending these messages. And I’ve had more, I’m part of this coaching group. And I’ve mentioned before that I helped design the software.

And so everybody in this coaching group is, is able to use this software and somebody from there. And so I get a lot of connections from there. A lot of my virtual friends. Are from this coaching group, which I think is really great. I have friends all over the world from it, and it’s not that big. It’s not like it’s thousands and thousands of people like it’s enough that we kind of know who everybody is, especially like the ones that are active in it.

And I have had people come and try to sell me that, to use the software. And I’m like, you should probably do a little bit more research that if I’m in this coaching group with you. I’ve got the software. Thanks. So in not doing any type of research, it’s like people who come to me instantly and don’t use my name or spell my name wrong.

You didn’t do anything. You can’t say you’re a business owner, you get these emails, you know what I mean? Like you have to be able to break through that because so many people are doing this stupid bullshit stuff that whether you’re emailing people or direct messaging people, just a tiny bit of research, a tiny bit of showing that you took a little bit of effort showing up a little bit for them to, like you said, warm them up a little, so they know who you are so that when you do direct message them, you’re not a creep.

[00:07:20] Sean: And. Yeah. And I mean, really you hear people say, you gotta give more than you take. And I think a lot of people they’ll say that and then they wind up forgetting what they even said themselves because it is kind of hard to, to give without taking, especially initially, you know, when, when their mindset is I got to sell my product and get it out.

And as many people as possible. Like that’s front of mind. So that’s how you wind up going and you just mass solicit all these people. And, you know, in doing that, you don’t have time to give a whole lot. So if you slow it down and, you know, instead of trying to friend request a hundred people at once, Pick a handful, go look at their business pages, look at their profiles.

[00:08:08] Torie: If it’s open people aren’t even doing it themselves because I can’t see this guy actually ever doing that to somebody, but he was perfectly fine with having some VA to me ruin his reputation because that’s what I see it as I’m like, Ooh, you went there. Like all these companies like that, you like, he’s so good at what he does too. And he could totally help people. And then he’s doing it this way. It just really is. It’s kind of, yeah. 

[00:08:33] Sean: Yeah. I mean, I don’t really know what to say about that kind of thing. 

[00:08:37] Torie: Like I don’t even go on LinkedIn. I go on there. I post a couple of things a couple of times a week. I even, I try to go and like, try to like, and like every time I do make a couple of comments, just so I’m kind of there, but it’s so gross with all the direct messages, all the emails that I get that I don’t even want to be there. And I don’t know how to, like, if you can clean those people out. I dunno. It’s just so many people doing the exact same thing, the exact same thing. 

[00:09:06] Sean: It, so it’s craziest like on, on LinkedIn for you, like it shows marketing and it shows all these industries that you’re, you’re this, you know, person that’s an in the industry. And yet it’s those same people. Keep trying, to get to you. 

[00:09:22] Torie: I think the problem is, is that I have the word coach in there somewhere because I do some coaching. I do some business coaching with people. And so the people that sell to business coaches are trying to sell to me. And then the people that just sell to business owners, they’re trying to sell me marketing because everybody needs marketing.

But without doing any research, you wouldn’t realize, oh, Torie already does that stuff. She probably doesn’t need me to do it. 

[00:09:47] Sean: Well, that’s the same. I’ve got, you know, all the lake shark media stuff, but then I’ve also got all the miles through time stuff. So I get a lot of the, Hey, we can improve your website and do all your SEO and all that kind of stuff. Where one simple look at the page and you’d see that I’m connected to a company that does all that kind of stuff. So, you know, there’s nothing that says we can’t be connected or friends or anything like that, but you, you coming at me. Pushing exactly what it is that I do. 

[00:10:16] Torie: We’re going to do that and did a little bit of research. Then they could say, Hey, I see you do some similar things. This is what I specialize in. Maybe I can help you out with this part of, you know, what that would be enough, that it would actually be beneficial that would actually catch my eye rather than just another one. Hey, tell me about your business. 

[00:10:35] Sean: So you’re not like on Facebook, I’m friends with people that do website design, I’m friends with other people that have car museums. There’s enough customers to go around, right? Like I can go, well, that guy does the exact same thing as I do. I can’t be friends with them. But at the same time, like I don’t need to sell my stuff to, to that guy and he doesn’t need to sell it to me, but I also see when he’s posting stuff’s talking about how he’s killing it and marketing and doing all these websites and you know what I can.

Fantastic dude. Good job. Great. You know, and, and contribute to them in that way, because I mean, I don’t even know where the hell he is. Like he’s not here, but he’s somewhere doing essentially the same thing and he’s into cars and all this kind of stuff. But he’s never once tried. Yeah. Solicit me. And, and I never tried to solicit him, and yet we can still mutually be like, Hey, we’re in the same industry. This is awesome. You know you got any questions? I got any questions. 

[00:11:33] Torie: You mean the coaching group is because I’ve met so many people and that’s how I. I felt that it was that we were all kind of working together and giving each other pointers and kind of lifting everybody else up. But then when you have people friend requesting from that group that are trying to sell you, and somebody’s telling these people, like, don’t listen to people, if they’re telling you just to direct message people in these kinds of ways, because it doesn’t work. And even if it does work, you know, like five out of a hundred times, you know, 5% of the time look at those 95% that like I said, I just unfriend them.

If they come across that way to me at all, And, you know, that could have been a great connection. It could have been a great opportunity could have worked together, like all kinds of things, but people aren’t doing it. Right. 

[00:12:14] Sean: Yeah. Cause like you said if they have it, even if they’re the same industry, but maybe they specialize in something that maybe you don’t enjoy doing right. You can kind of nurture that a little bit to then, you know, okay, there’s the initial con connection, and then we can figure that kind of stuff out. And the next thing you know, it’s like, oh, you, you do exactly what I hate. You know, let’s get together and work on something now, but you can’t, you can’t come right out the gate and do that because it, it turns into spam.

[00:12:45] Torie: I don’t even think they’re looking so they don’t even have the opportunity to do that. If they’re not even looking at what they’re doing. Different companies, you know, and you can do that. If you were trying to get in touch with a company like if you are some type of service provider that you wanted to work with a business, you could do the same thing and network with the actual business online as well.

Not by it’d be like direct messaging, somebody, your portfolio, like, look how great my work is. I can redo your shitty website. Well, you just spam them. You said their website, which is, you know what I mean? There’s all these like things that are like red flags or that they’re going to ignore you. But if you actually went to their page and commented on lots of different things that they did, and you know, then I think after time, people kind of start to check you back out, or when you did actually introduce yourself, they would know who you are and they would feel comfortable to maybe talk to you because they’ve already seen your name.

[00:13:39] Sean: We talk about on social media, the importance of actually posting stuff. So this kind of goes into that a little bit as well. So you connect with somebody, right? Well, if you don’t post anything on social media, they’re never going to have an opportunity to see any of this stuff that represents who you are, maybe your business being able to post stuff that shows what it is that you do without being like, buy my, my stuff.

Right. It’s just like, here’s my business. And we helped this customer or something like that person could see that and go, okay, this is what that person does without ever having to shove it down their throat and you do it consistently enough. It kind of organically. It’s like, oh, that’s what that person does.

Which is like what happened with the guy that builds websites and all the marketing that I know on Facebook. I had no idea what it is. He did initially. I just saw that he was in the cars. I don’t even remember if I friend requested him or if he friend requested me, but we’re connected. And over time I know exactly what it is.

He does. And, and that’s kind of like the way it needs to be done. I mean, if he came to me tomorrow and was like, Hey man I want to work on a project together somewhere. How can I help you? I’d be like, okay, I know who you are, you know, at least. And then, you know, who knows, maybe we need some help on a project or we’re overwhelmed and it works out perfectly. But without that, it’s, it’s just, dirty. 

[00:15:06] Torie: Yes, you definitely can connect with people on social media, as a business, as you know, somebody that wants to make those types of business connections, but you definitely have to be careful about how you do it so that you don’t make people feel dirty. 

[00:15:19] Sean: It turns into wasting your time. It does, especially if you’re paying a VA to do all this stuff that will just make your reputation. Tainted, and you’re not going to get anything out of it. And then some of these businesses, you know, it’s all about making phone calls and trying to get sales and all that kind of stuff. Maybe you do get some of them, but it turns into busy work because they’re not great leads. 

[00:15:43] Torie: You just got some this, and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe they’re treating this like a cold call. This isn’t like your taking up the phone and if they hang up, it’s fine. When you’re making this connection, on social media, they see you, they see your face, they see your name. They can go to your page.

Like it’s so much more personal than it’s not the same as just picking up a phone. And if they hang up, it’s. There’s a difference here. 

[00:16:10] Sean: Now that you mentioned, I mean, that’s, that’s essentially what’s happening. It’s there they’re cold calling through social media. 

[00:16:16] Torie: Social media is not the place to cold call. It’s the place. If you did that, I really think that it ruined your relationship and your almost tainting your opportunities because there are so many opportunities to connect with just a few more steps, being just a little bit more genuine taking just a tiny bit more time. And maybe these VA’s need to be trained to do this properly because it’s not just picking up you know, in dialing numbers in hopes that somebody answers or we’ll answer your questions. Not hang up on you. 

[00:16:48] Sean: I mean, even if it was like say we didn’t do what we did and we were just some business and. Person representing a company or something connects with us on LinkedIn and they do an SEO, a website, and all that kind of stuff. Right. We connect with them. They don’t, they don’t immediately try to hammer us with all their services and stuff, but we wind up seeing their posts and we’re like, okay, this person, oh, like, you know, they’d built this awesome website and they have this other customer, they improve their SEO and, and got them all these sales.

And it’s great. And then you know, next thing you know, we get a message from them like, Hey I’ve checked out your business. I, this is what I do for a living. I went ahead and just you know, redid this page or checked out your SEO or something like that. Here you go. Just because we’re friends, right. Didn’t even try to sell me anything. And, but I look at that and I’m like, holy cow, I’ve seen it. I’ve seen what they’ve done. Now, look at what they’ve done for me now. Now that’s a, that’s a warm call. I mean, if you want to do it that way, instead of just, Hey, this is my stuff, the cold call, you’ve warmed them up.

And now if, if your end goal is still to just try to sell that’s your, your best opportunity is after you do those other things, to then get to where they knew who you are and, and they’ll either buy, or you can unfriend them cause you’re, you’re done with it or, you know, you know, they’re, they’re not in there.

I said it at least at this time, and then don’t try to keep doing it over and over because I’ve also gotten a Facebook messages where it’s just, it’s weird conversation. I can tell from the beginning. They’re trying to sell me something like, like right off the bat. It’s, it’s just, it’s, it’s weird how they’re doing it.

It’s immediately after I accept the friend request. And a lot of times, if I, if it’s, I’m not sure if I’ll accept a friend request, I’ll let it sit for a while. So it’s not like it pops up and then I’m like, yeah, friend, and then it’s immediately. It’s there’s some time that goes by to, to see. Nobody that I know they’re like not right there at the computer, we’re just waiting to pounce on me. Right. You know, it’ll take a time, a little bit of time for it to go through. So when I finally do it, and then it’s immediately a Facebook message I already know. All right. It’s one of those. And sometimes depending on how much time I have or what specifically, they said.

Say something back. And then it winds up going back and forth for a little bit. And this last one, I had it, it was, it was all good for the most part. I mean, we talked a little bit about cars and stuff like that, but then he started asking me some weird personal questions and then started talking about how great he was. Real estate and I’m like that’s and then I dropped the conversation and then it’s like two days later, the cycle started over, Hey, how are you? 

[00:19:34] Torie: The exact same? Like, they didn’t realize they had already messaged you. 

[00:19:37] Sean: I know how that works, but it was started as a, Hey, how are you? We did the whole conversation thing until it got too weird and I stopped and then a couple of days went by and then it was a start over, Hey, how are you? 

[00:19:48] Torie: It’s almost like somebody’s like walking up to you at the street and like you smile and say smile back. You’re like, oh, Hey. They’re like, Hey, so what do you do?

[00:19:59] Sean: I don’t know who you are, man. 

[00:20:01] Torie: Weird like that. Like, I don’t know. It makes me uncomfortable, not really a big fan. And I know I can’t be the only one. 

[00:20:11] Sean: I think there’s things you can do to, to attract potential customers to you without having to go to them. And a lot of that is like, we’ve talked about, you know, posting that, that content, that, that through your business page about how great your business is, and then resharing that stuff on your personal stuff, talking about your business, and then anybody that sees it, they know exactly what you represent and they can come to you. Or you can go to them, but just take it slow. 

[00:20:40] Torie: I think that’s the key too, is that you have to do a little bit of research and take it a little bit slower because a lot of you are being really fucking weird and taking it way too fast and it’s creepy. You’re like a creeper. 

[00:20:54] Sean: Take it nice and slow that thinks this right. Don’t rush into the relationship.

[00:20:59] Torie: You know, we have new shows every Tuesday and Thursday where we talk about things like this, like how to not be weird on social, how to actually get, like, get good things to happen from the time that you spend on social media how to market your business a little bit better, how to make your marketing more effective.

And we’d love it. If you’d come and join us. And if you want some free resources you can definitely go to Toriemathis.com and there’s lots of great resources for you there. That’ll help you market your business a little bit. 

[00:21:24] Sean: And if you want, you can friend request me and immediately send me a message telling me you’re not a weirdo. You will know you’re good to go. 

[00:21:30] Torie: Don’t be weird. We’ll see you on the next one.

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hi im torie
I help entrepreneurs  learn digital marketing.
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You don’t need crazy tech skills, buckets of cash, or dedicated staff to market your business. You don’t even need a lot of time.

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Hi! I'm Torie!

Torie Mathis HeadshotI help entrepreneurs (like you) use digital marketing to get more clients + to make more money. And I make it easy! 

You don’t need crazy tech skills, buckets of cash, or dedicated staff to market your business. You don’t even need a lot of time.

What you need is to be SMART.


from your Digital Marketing Coach Torie Mathis!

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